簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話

時(shí)間：2025-01-15 11:40:05 毅霖英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話（精選17篇）

　　英語(yǔ)笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創(chuàng)作體裁，是一種重要的交際手段。下面是小編為大家收集的簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助！

簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話（精選17篇）

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 1

　　These Are My Jeans!

　　After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.

　　“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”

　　Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”

　　那是我的褲子!

　　一個(gè)婦女在減肥一段時(shí)間后自我感覺(jué)特別好——特別是當(dāng)她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時(shí)。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的`褲子了�！彼煞蚩戳怂靡粫�(huì)兒，然后說(shuō)：“親愛(ài)的，我愛(ài)你。但那是我的褲子�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 2

　　The mean mans party.

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客。

　　一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門，然后用你的`胳膊肘按門鈴。門開(kāi)了之后，再用你的腳把門推開(kāi)。”

　　“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

　　“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 3

　　All I do is pay.

　　"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

　　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

　　"Im the people. All I do is pay."

　　我要做的一切就是付錢。

　　布朗先生告訴同事說(shuō)：“我的家簡(jiǎn)直就象一個(gè)國(guó)家一樣。我妻子是財(cái)政部長(zhǎng)。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長(zhǎng)，我女兒是外交秘書(shū)�！�

　　“聽(tīng)上去挺有意思的`，”他的同事說(shuō)，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢？”

　　“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 4

　　one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."

　　一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能首先回答我的.問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家�！�

　　the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."

　　第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的？請(qǐng)站起來(lái)！”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見(jiàn)！”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 5

　　before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”

　　"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.

　　“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的`。據(jù)說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反�！眿寢尨鸬�。

　　"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.

　　“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 6

　　Saving lives.

　　At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

　　"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

　　A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

　　"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 7

　　The mourners pain.

　　A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

　　The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

　　The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

　　The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 8

　　Black eyes.

　　A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

　　The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

　　The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

　　“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 9

　　Why should I give you money.

　　A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.

　　"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."

　　"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."

　　The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 10

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.

　　The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒(méi)有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。

　　客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的'好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f(shuō)。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 11

　　One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"

　　"Certainly."

　　"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why?didnt you take it back?"

　　"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 12

　　The New Teacher.

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

　　"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 13

　　mother asked her little boy, darling, what did the teacher teach you today?

　　母親問(wèn)她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么?

　　nothing, mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and i told her three.

　　兒子驕傲地說(shuō)：什么都沒(méi)教，媽媽。她反倒問(wèn)我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 14

　　一分一塊錢 A dollar per point

　　A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

　　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

　　The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

　　一天，教授正在給學(xué)生們監(jiān)考。他發(fā)下試卷，然后回到講臺(tái)前等待。

　　考試結(jié)束了，學(xué)生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發(fā)現(xiàn)一張?jiān)嚲砩蟿e著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著：“一分一塊錢�！�

　　第二堂課，教授把試卷都發(fā)回學(xué)生們手中。其中一個(gè)學(xué)生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 15

　　one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."

　　一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能首先回答我的問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家�！�

　　第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的`問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的?請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見(jiàn)!”

　　簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)笑話 16

　　But the teacher cried 可是老師哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的'祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?

　　哭?約翰問(wèn)，不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。