詼諧搞笑幽默的英語(yǔ)笑話

時(shí)間：2020-10-25 19:53:55 英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

詼諧搞笑幽默的英語(yǔ)笑話

　　The doctor lives downstairs

詼諧搞笑幽默的英語(yǔ)笑話

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　“醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道.

　　“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病.”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她,然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太,我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō).第一,您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅,您的美貌將會(huì)改變.第三,我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下.”

　　One Engine Left

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一個(gè)引擎

　　一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時(shí),喇叭里傳來(lái)了機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“旅客們請(qǐng)注意,我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了.但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì)把我們帶到倫敦的.只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) .” 過(guò)了一會(huì)兒,旅客們又聽(tīng)到機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“各位,你們猜怎么啦?我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎.但請(qǐng)你們相信好了.只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛,但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了.” 正在這時(shí),一位乘客非常氣憤地說(shuō)：“看在上帝的份上,如果我們?cè)俚粢粋€(gè)引擎,我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”

　　Logic Reasoning

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

　　g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　邏輯推理

　　小學(xué)四年級(jí)的教師正在給學(xué)生們上一堂邏輯課.她舉了這么一個(gè)例子：“有這樣一種情況,一個(gè)男人在河中心的船上釣魚,突然失去重心掉進(jìn)了水里.于是他開(kāi)始掙扎并喊救命.他的妻子聽(tīng)到了他的喊聲,知道他并不會(huì)游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸.誰(shuí)能告訴我這是為什么?” 一個(gè)女生舉手答道,“是不是去取他的`存款?”

　　[注]bank在英語(yǔ)中除了我們平時(shí)很熟悉的“銀行”之外,還有“河岸”的意思.

　　Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?

　　This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.

　　One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

　　“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

　　“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.

　　“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

　　“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

　　你停止打你老婆了嗎?

　　這個(gè)故事講的是一個(gè)咄咄逼人的辯護(hù)律師,他慣于盡量去恐嚇對(duì)方的證人.

　　有一個(gè)證人有點(diǎn)傾向于在回答問(wèn)題之前做冗長(zhǎng)的解釋.

　　“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辯護(hù)律師怒喝道： “你沒(méi)有必要就這個(gè)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行爭(zhēng)論.”