英語笑話十則

　　你想在娛樂的過程中還可以學(xué)到更多的英語知識嗎?下面YJBYS小編為您整理的幾段英語笑話。鳥窩與頭發(fā)

　　我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師.一次一個學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩.

　　“是什么鳥呢?”我姐姐問她.

　　“我沒看到鳥兒,老師,只看到鳥窩.”那孩子回答說.

　　“那么,你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵她道.

　　“哦,老師,就像你的頭發(fā)一樣.”

　　I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

　　"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

　　"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　　Notes:

　　(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

　　(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭. 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式.

　　我剛咬破自己的舌頭

　　“我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親.

　　“是的,親愛的,”她回答說,“你問這個干什么?”

　　“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭.”

　　A Woman Who Fell

　　It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

　　摔倒的女人

　　上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車.接近門口,一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來,沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳,仰面滑倒了.她的慣性使她接近了我的腳.我正準(zhǔn)備扶她,她卻自己爬了起來.她鎮(zhèn)定了一下,對我擠了一下眉,說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?”

　　英語笑話(一)

　　Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

　　A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

　　猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個答案很有意思吧?

　　Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

　　A: By treading on his corn?

　　如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會生氣的;而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼,他會更生氣.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思.

　　Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

　　A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

　　因為snail(蝸牛)的后背上總是背著一所房子,所以說蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是不足為奇的.你說呢?

　　Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

　　A: They make faces all day.

　　一看到make faces這個短語,你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因為除了這個意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面.

　　Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

　　A: Keep him awake.

　　怎樣才能不讓夢游者(sleepwalker)夢游(walk in his sleep)呢?最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺.雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢游者醒著呢,他的確就不會去夢游了.

　　英語笑話(二)

　　He is really somebody

　　-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　他真是一個大人物

　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人.

　　-- 他真是一個大人物.干什么的?

　　-- 墓地守墓人.

　　英語笑話(三)

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　它們是從美國直接帶來的

　　一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺,銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假.

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我,先生,也請你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國直接帶來的.”

　　英語笑話(四)my little dog can't read

　　Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

　　我的狗不識字

　　布朗夫人：哦,

　　親愛的,我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!

　　史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!

　　布朗夫人：沒有用的,我的小狗不認(rèn)識字.”

　　英語笑話(五)Bring me the winner

　　-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

　　-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

　　-- Well, bring me the winner then.

　　給我那個打贏的吧

　　-- 服務(wù)員,

　　這個龍蝦只有一只爪.

　　-- 對不起,先生,這只肯定打過架了.

　　-- 哦, 那給我那個打贏的吧.

　　英語笑話(六)The mean man's party.

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼請客

　　一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了.他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓,找中間那個門,然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴.門開了之后,再用你的腳把門推開.”

　　“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?”

　　“你的雙手得拿禮物啊.天哪,你總不會空著手來吧?”吝嗇鬼回答.

　　英語笑話(七)Advice for "Kid"

　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

　　忠告“年輕者”

　　這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告.如果你只有65歲的話,

　　千萬別進(jìn)退休社區(qū).因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了.每當(dāng)要搬東西,抬東西或者裝東西時,他們就叫喊,“讓小的干吧.”

　　英語笑話(八)Which woman?

　　One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

　　哪一位女人?

　　一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物,回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵,于是擦洗了一陣.當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃.”

　　我丈夫抬頭看了看,說：“媽媽來了?”

　　英語笑話(九)The doctor lives downstairs

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　“醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說道.

　　“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病.”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她,然后大聲說：“太太,我有三件事要對你說.第一,您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅,您的美貌將會改變.第三,我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下.”

　　英語笑話(十)One Engine Left

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一個引擎

　　一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時,喇叭里傳來了機(jī)長的聲音：“旅客們請注意,我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了.但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的.只是我們要因此晚到一小時 .” 過了一會兒,旅客們又聽到機(jī)長的聲音：“各位,你們猜怎么啦?我們剛又掉了第三個引擎.但請你們相信好了.只有一個引擎我們也能飛,但要晚三個小時了.” 正在這時,一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上,如果我們再掉一個引擎,我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”

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