愚人節(jié)英語(yǔ)笑話短文
短文指報(bào)紙或期刊上的一段短的新聞報(bào)道或特寫(xiě)或篇幅短的文章。以下是小編為大家整理的愚人節(jié)英語(yǔ)笑話短文，希望對(duì)你有所幫助！
精神病醫(yī)生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生�！搬t(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你�！薄百M(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元�！薄拔視�(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的�！苯苋鸫鸬�。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫(yī)生問(wèn)�！耙淮我话賶K錢(qián)嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢(qián)就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F(xiàn)在那沒(méi)人了!”
死后重生
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問(wèn)他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說(shuō)。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來(lái)了�！�
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色�！拔覀兊冗@東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)�！拔艺煞虻男轮�(tīng)器”。
有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
湯姆早上老起不來(lái)，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚(yú)。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺(jué)前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來(lái)了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開(kāi)車(chē)上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說(shuō)，“那藥真管用，我的`睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說(shuō)，“問(wèn)題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
兩個(gè)笨賊
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
兩個(gè)盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我聽(tīng)到警報(bào)響了，快跳吧!” 第二個(gè)說(shuō)：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!” 第一個(gè)尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時(shí)候了，還這么迷信!”
一場(chǎng)特殊的足球比賽
Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."
"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.
"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.
麥克上學(xué)遲到了。他對(duì)布萊克老師說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因?yàn)槲以趬?mèng)里觀看了一場(chǎng)球賽�！�
“為什么它會(huì)讓你遲到呢?”老師問(wèn)道。
“因?yàn)檫@兩個(gè)隊(duì)都沒(méi)有能力獲勝，所以就持續(xù)的時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了�！丙溈嘶卮鹫f(shuō)。
《Two Birds》 兩只鳥(niǎo)
Teacher: ”Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?“
Student: ”I cannot point out but I know the answer.“
Teacher: ”P(pán)lease tell us.“
Student: ”The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.“
老師：”這兒有兩只鳥(niǎo)，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?“
學(xué)生：”我指不出，但我知道答案�！�
老師：”請(qǐng)說(shuō)說(shuō)看。“
學(xué)生：”燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子�！�
生難詞：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀
I Don't Like an Argument 我不想爭(zhēng)論
”Gerald,“asked the teacher,”what is the shape of the earth?“
”It's round,“answered Gerald.
”How do you know it's round?“continued the teacher.
”All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!
”杰拉爾德，“老師問(wèn)：”地球是什么形狀?“
”是圓形的，“杰拉爾德回答道。
”你怎么知道是圓的?“老師又問(wèn)。
”好吧，那它是方的，“學(xué)生回答說(shuō)：”我可不想與你爭(zhēng)論這件事情。“
生難詞：square adj.平方的，方形的
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