英語搞笑話劇劇本

時間：2025-01-15 14:54:58 小英英語笑話我要投稿

英語搞笑話劇劇本（精選10篇）

　　在參加英語文化活動時，我們可以準(zhǔn)備一個英語話劇，表演給大家看。以下是小編精心準(zhǔn)備的英語搞笑話劇劇本，大家可以參考以下內(nèi)容哦！

英語搞笑話劇劇本（精選10篇）

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 1

　　甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, Im the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, lets begin. At first , talent show, number one, lets welcome.

　　乙:(風(fēng)情萬種,妖嬈嫵媚地走進(jìn)來,給觀眾一個飛吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, Im Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打個響指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由發(fā)揮). (跳完,鞠躬,向觀眾謝幕), thank you,(面向?qū)а?, honey, is it a wonderful performance?

　　甲:(作目瞪口呆狀),

　　乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

　　甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

　　乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)

　　丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(畫個十字架,鎮(zhèn)定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

　　甲:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

　　丙:Im Celine Dion, you know, I dont have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思狀) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同學(xué)鼓掌,乙作安撫狀),oh, calm down, calm down,its just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

　　甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

　　丙:OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

　　near, far, wherever you are

　　i believe that the heart does go on

　　once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,繼續(xù)作深情狀)

　　and youre here in my heart,

　　and my heart will go on and on.

　　甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

　　Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

　　丁:(對著乙的背影,沉思狀)to be,or not to be,its a question!(走到甲面前牽起她的手做親吻狀),Im glad to see you,my dear princess.

　　甲(做嬌羞狀):oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?

　　丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白癡的'搖頭),eh..,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?(搖頭),and Melissa Theuriau?(搖頭),(丁,情緒激動),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

　　甲(指門,氣憤狀),you you you.....

　　丁:ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

　　甲:I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.

　　丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

　　甲(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I cant stand, show you the door,

　　丁(轉(zhuǎn)身離開,繼續(xù)臺詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回頭,對甲)10 thousand years.

　　甲:oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,

　　三人跑進(jìn)來,乙嫵媚狀:honey, you like my dance,right?

　　丙鎮(zhèn)靜狀:director,you like my singing,right?

　　丁深情狀:princess,you like my poet,right?

　　三人同聲:we are past,right?

　　甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you ....(接電話) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(掛電話,低頭),you three,(抬頭),pass!

　　三人歡呼,說:we make it,we are superstar!

　　乙(甜蜜狀):thats very sweet of you,we love you so much(飛個吻)

　　甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

　　三人齊答:yes,we do!

　　甲伸手,三人搭上,同聲,fight,fight,fight!

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 2

　　人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，車主旁白經(jīng)紀(jì)人

　　旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

　　A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——邊走邊說（趴在講臺上睡）

　�。ㄟM(jìn)入夢鄉(xiāng)）

　　旁白：In her dream……

　　(上臺擺兩個凳子，A做一個)

　　A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假裝看天) (然后突然不經(jīng)意的拿起一本書翻看)

　　明星：(上臺)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

　　(A看著看著書，就不經(jīng)意的往旁邊看，然后再看看書，突然感覺不對勁，在意外的往旁邊看，看到了自己最喜愛的那個明星，十分激動，不敢相信這是真的)

　　A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激動地說不出話)

　　明星：（隨意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

　　A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

　　(激動，后面講到廁所時，還有點(diǎn)不好意思)

　　(當(dāng)明星聽到廁所時，很驚訝)

　　明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi?stik]. (有點(diǎn)嫌棄)

　　A: Can you give me your signature?

　　(講到簽名，明星就興奮了)

　　明星：Ok ,of course!

　　A：（大聲喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature

　　(突然，兩個人跑過來，B把A給推開了然后兩人問明星要簽名)

　　B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

　　C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

　　(兩人搶著，A一人孤零零的站在旁邊，)

　　A: Why the result is this ?(抱頭痛哭，邊走邊哭，然后走到睡覺的'那個地方，恢復(fù)原來的樣子，還有點(diǎn)啜泣)

　　A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.

　　It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

　　旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

　　A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

　　(明星上場，走在對面，也在欣賞某些東西)

　　A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激動)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

　　(正當(dāng)他準(zhǔn)備過馬路時，車主做開車動作來了，將要撞A，A很害怕)

　　車主：Look out!

　　Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(閉著眼睛) (車主迅速下臺)

　�。ˋ突然站起來，睜開眼睛）

　　A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴著又睡)

　　旁白：In her third dream

　　(明星在簽名，A前面有B, C)

　　經(jīng)紀(jì)人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

　　A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.

　�。ǖ紹）

　　B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

　　明星：Thank you

　　(B下，C上)

　　C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

　　明星：Sure.

　　(兩人抱了一下)

　�。ǖ紸）

　　A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

　　(明星面目有點(diǎn)難受的樣子，手捂著肚子)

　　明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(難受)

　　A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

　　(過來一會兒)

　　A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok?

　　經(jīng)紀(jì)人對A說：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

　　A: Ah? Why always me ? (傷心地離開，走到睡著的地方)

　�。ㄍ蝗黄鹕恚�

　　A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下鐘，表情驚訝) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up!

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 3

　　Justice Is The Winner(正義必勝)

　　by Cecilia Liu 劉怡芬

　　5人短劇。

　　人物

　　Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen

　　Eliza Lin: Daughter

　　Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside

　　Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)

　　Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)

　　SCENE I

　　A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.

　　Mom: Hello~

　　Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.

　　Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!

　　The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…

　　Mom: Hello~

　　Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?

　　Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.

　　Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)

　　Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)

　　But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…

　　Mom: Eliza~

　　Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?

　　Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.

　　Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.

　　SCENE II英語劇本大全ww.coffbar.com

　　Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.

　　The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.

　　The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.

　　Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)

　　Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.

　　At this moment, the girl appears.

　　Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?

　　Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.

　　Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!

　　Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!

　　Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!

　　Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?

　　Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?

　　Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.

　　Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.

　　Eliza: Never mind!

　　Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there?

　　Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

　　Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…

　　Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

　　Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.

　　Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.

　　Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~

　　Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.

　　Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!

　　Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.

　　Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.

　　Eliza goes with the gangsters.

　　In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.

　　Eliza: What are you doing?

　　Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!

　　Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.

　　Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?

　　Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.

　　Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!

　　Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!

　　Eliza keeps crying.

　　Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!

　　Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed)

　　Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)

　　Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.

　　Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.

　　SCENE III

　　Mother is preparing dinner.

　　Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!

　　No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.

　　Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.

　　As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.

　　Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!

　　Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.

　　Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!

　　Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!

　　Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!

　　Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)

　　Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop.

　　The gangster takes the phone away.

　　Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.

　　Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.

　　Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?

　　Mom: Bargain is my hobby.

　　Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.

　　Mom: O.K. See you then!

　　At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.

　　Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)

　　The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.

　　Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?

　　Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.

　　Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?

　　Big gangster: Where is the ransom?

　　Mom: Release my daughter first!

　　Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!

　　Mom: No way!

　　And the battle begins.

　　Mom: Justice is always the winner.

　　Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!

　　Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.

　　Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved.

　　Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?

　　Small gangster: I……

　　Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)

　　Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.

　　Eliza: Me! Me!

　　Celine: What do you want to say?

　　Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!

　　Mom: My turn. My turn.

　　Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?

　　Mom: Well……

　　Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.

　　Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…

　　Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.

　　Mom: Right. And they…

　　Celine: They want to trick you, but…

　　Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.

　　Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 4

　　第一幕開場白

　　旁白：Long long ago there lived a beautiful princess, and there is a big family. But the hostess died. Her son is handsome and goodness. Her husband married another wife. The stepmother is very cruel to the son. One day their King will hold a ball and choose a prince for his daughter.

　　B: Girls in the other side look at me, look at me, look at me …I am David, handsome and cool. I try my best to loose my weight for this ball. This is my photo three days ago.

　　C: I am rich and humor. Look at my snow-white teeth, because I use the famous toothpaste---Peer.

　　A: Oh, Can I go to the ball?

　　B and C: No!

　　B: Look at yourself. The clothes are so bad and dirty.

　　C: Yes, yes.

　　B: Your hair …（用手撥幾下）

　　C: What a mass!

　　B: Your face

　　C: Black and dirty, you seemed like a frog.（B拿出青蛙的照片）

　　B: How can you go to meet the beautiful princess?

　　Stepmother: OK, children, let’s go!

　　C: Mum, what about him?

　　Stepmother: You, just stay at home to do some housework.

　　A: But, Mum, I want to go there.

　　Stepmother: Oh, OK.

　　B and C: Mum, why do you take him? Don’t you think he will loose our face?

　　Finally, they go without A.

　　第二幕仙女下凡

　　A: Why Why Why I can’t go to join that ball.

　　旁白： At this time a beautiful fairy appear.

　　Fairy: Ahh, my poor child! What things make you so sad?

　　A: The beautiful princess will held a ball, but my stepmother and my brothers don’t let me go there.

　　Fairy: My good boy, let me help you. (拿出一套禮服)

　　A:（喜出望外，準(zhǔn)備去參加舞會。）

　　Fairy: Wait for a moment. Don’t forget your shoes.（拿出一雙耐克鞋）

　　A: Thank you, my respectful fairy.

　　第三幕一見鐘情

　　旁白：A is wearing beautiful clothes going to the palace as quickly as possible, but his brother and stepmother have already arrived.

　　門衛(wèi)：The next, the Trade’s first son.

　　B: Oh, beautiful princess. I have greatly admired you for a long time, and you are like a Pizza in my heart.

　　Princess: Please wait for a moment, what talent and skill you have?

　　B: I’ll sing a song for you. (Singing) Only you

　　Princess: Pass.

　　門衛(wèi)：The next. The Trade’s second son.

　　C: La la I am a

　　Princess: Pass.

　　旁白：At that time A was appearing on the front door of the palace. All the people were shocked by his handsome and demeanor.

　　A: Beautiful princess. Can I sing a song for you?

　　Princess: Sure, please.

　　A: （扶著公主從寶座上走下，兩人目光對視，走成一個圈，開始唱歌）。

　　旁白：All the people seem to disappear. Only A is left in the princess’s eyes. And so is the princess. Dang dang dang the clock strikes 12. A is waken from the happiness.

　　A: Princess, I must go now. I am very sorry.

　　Princess: Wait

　　旁白：In a hurry A dropped one of his shoes. But the princess was following him.

　　A: (A look at princess and that shoe he has to go into the forest.)

　　第四幕丟失的鞋

　　旁白：The next morning, the guard brings the shoe to the princess.

　　侍衛(wèi)：My princess, this is the shoe left by Yang Master yesterday.

　　Princess: That’s great! God save me! Go and declare: Whoever can wear this shoe will be my prince.

　　第五幕結(jié)局

　　旁白：The guars declared this thing in the whole city and it caused a big sensation. The two prince of the Trade are more excited.

　　B: Oh, it’s so beautiful. I’m sure I can wear this shoe.

　　C: Do you think it is possible? Only I can wear that shoe.

　　Stepmother: Stop talking, my dear sons. Go to get ready for it quickly. The guards will come in no time.

　　旁白：A was sweeping floor more and more slowly. The guards came in.

　　侍衛(wèi)：This is the shoe. Come and try it.

　　旁白：At this moment B caught it quickly, tried it and murmured.

　　B: why can’t I put it on?

　　Stepmother: My dear, let me help you.

　　旁白：The mother pulled B to the corner cutting his toe. Then B put the shoe very hardly.

　　B: My princess, let’s go.（一瘸一拐）

　　Princess: No, you are not my prince. Take off the shoe.

　　C: Let me try. Let me try. (murmuring)I cannot wear it either.

　　旁白：The mother pulled C to the corner again, and cut his heel.

　　C: My princess, let’s go.

　　Princess: No, you are not my prince, either. （一瘸一拐）

　　侍衛(wèi)：Who else doesn’t try to put on the shoe here?

　　A: (In a low voice) Let me have a try.(A put the shoe without any difficulty. It just fit him. And A took off his dirty clothes again.)

　　Princess: Wow, you are my prince.

　　Princess and Prince got married. Then they live together and they are very happy.

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 5

　　音樂：apple（小熊表演）

　　Bears: Today is our birthday. We are so happy!

　　Rs: Knock, knock, knock. （敲門聲起）

　　Bears: Who’s that?

　　Rabbit1: I am **.

　　R2: I am **.

　　Rs: We are rabbits.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.（開門，請進(jìn)）

　　Rs: Happy birthday!（送花）

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.（做手勢，請坐）

　　小熊把花插好

　　Ds: Knock, knock, knock. （敲門聲起）

　　Bs: who’s that?

　　D1: I am **.

　　D2: I am **.

　　D3: I am **.

　　Ds: We are dogs.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.

　　Ds: Happy birthday!

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.

　　小熊把花插好

　　Cs: Knock, knock, knock. （敲門聲起）

　　Bs: who’s that?

　　C1: I am **.

　　C2: I am **.

　　C3: I am **.

　　Cs: We are cats.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.

　　Cs: Happy birthday!

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.

　　小熊把花插好，拿水果招待客人

　　Bs: Which friut do you like ?

　　Rs: It is red. It is raund.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s apple. Here you are.

　　Rs: Thank you.（做吃狀）

　　Ds: It’s yellow .It’s long.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s banana. Here you are.

　　Ds: Thank you.

　　Cats: It’s oraner .It’s raund.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s oranger. Here you are.

　　Cs: Thank you.

　　小熊面向觀眾道白

　　Bs: Today is our birthday. We are so happy.

　　轉(zhuǎn)身招呼小動物們

　　Bs: Let’s singing , let’s dancing.

　　As: Ok!

　　歌曲：Hello!

　　<結(jié)束>

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 6

　　旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（邊說邊介紹，三人坐在課桌上）

　　Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （邊說邊將手搭上Rose肩）

　　Jack: She is my girl.（打開Oscar的手）

　　Oscar: You are so cold.（脫下報(bào)紙披在R身上面向觀眾）what you wear, what you are.

　　Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脫下自己的羽絨服抖了抖，面向觀眾）BoSideng（波斯登）, warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（將羽絨服披在Rose身上）

　　Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向觀眾）But I love BoSideng more.

　　Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?

　　Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的'地盤我做主）.

　　Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……

　　Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （從口袋里掏出鉛筆，緊握手中）

　　Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同樣掏出鉛筆緊握手中）

　　Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用鉛筆互戳）----小蜜蜂~

　　Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）( J & O不小心將Rose推下桌子——落水）

　　Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar將拉上Rose桌子）

　　Oscar: Honey, how are you?

　　Rose:（向觀眾）PiaoRou（飄柔）, just so confident~（甩頭發(fā)）

　�。≧ose不小心推Oscar，Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!

　　Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓過Rose的手，對視）

　　Jack:（唱）你是我的玫瑰，你是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~

　　Rose: But……what about Oscar?

　　Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.

　　Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~

　　旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.

　　Jack: Do you feel cold?

　　Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.

　　Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （從口袋里掏出打火機(jī)，并向觀眾展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火機(jī)）.（Jack按下打火機(jī)）（Superwoman上，胸前貼一張紙，上書S）

　　Superwoman:（向觀眾）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?（Superwoman無視，面向Jack）

　　Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.

　　Jack: Take my girl together.

　　Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火機(jī)）

　�。↖ndian Princess上，向觀眾合掌問候）

　　Princess: I am a princess from India.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?

　　Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（從口袋里掏出圍巾）（Jack & Rose 嘗試伸出腳，Princess上下晃動圍巾）

　　Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （邊說邊后退，漸遠(yuǎn)）

　�。↖ndian Princess下）（Jack第三次還沒按，Harry Potter上，提著掃帚）

　　Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向觀眾）My name is Harry Potter. I’m from Hogwarts（霍格沃茨）. I lose my way.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?

　　Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（聳肩）

　　Jack:（憤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）

　　旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.

　　Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for

　　a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.

　　Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.

　　Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低頭虔誠祈禱狀）

　　Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同時從身后伸出手來，包剪錘）

　　Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出錘子，Rose出包子）

　　Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose連連搖頭）

　　Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!

　　Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）

　　Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死，繼續(xù)叫救命……）

　　（旁白唱my heart will go on，音樂起，全劇終。Jack & Rose跳舞，張開手臂經(jīng)典動作作結(jié)。）.

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 7

　　人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒

　　J：沙僧

　　B：白骨精（何平） B1：B變成的'村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭

　　T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

　　S: Bajie,map!

　　E: (摸出，遞給S)

　　S: Look,boss (湊近T)………（T、S一起轉(zhuǎn)向E）

　　T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

　　E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

　　T: (縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

　　E: But……

　　T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

　　E: (遞)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

　　S: Fat Pig!

　　E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

　　S: You will what(兇相)?

　　E: (軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

　　S: Hm!

　　T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

　　E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

　　T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

　　J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

　　T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

　　S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

　　J: This is…..?

　　S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

　　T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

　　S: Bye!(走)

　　T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》

　　B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)

　　B1: (接近三人，望著)Can I join you?

　　J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

　　B1: (在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

　　T: Bomb?(打出)

　　B1: Double King!

　　T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)

　　S: (回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

　　B1: （倒)Ah……

　　T: (氣憤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

　　S: She is a monster!

　　T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

　　S: Oh,please don’t……

　　T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)

　　S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)

　　T: (嗆住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

　　B: (真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)

　　B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

　　T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)

　　S: （咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)

　　E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

　　J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

　　T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)

　　B3: (看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

　　S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

　　T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

　　S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

　　T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

　　S: (悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》

　　J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

　　T: Dont mention that guy any more!

　　B: (出現(xiàn)) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)

　　T: （驚）You are......

　　B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)

　　B: (抓住T)Ill enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

　　S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years later.

　　T: Wukong?

　　E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

　　J: Our hero is back!

　　T: I,I cant understand......What happened?

　　S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

　　T: How,how did you find out?

　　S: (沉默).......Monkeys intuition(直覺)

　　T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)Im sorry(小聲)

　　S: What?

　　T: Im sorry.

　　S: Em? Louder,please?

　　T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個放伴奏）

　　(謝幕)

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 8

　　人物： rabbit（小兔），fox（狐貍），monkey（小猴），tortoise（烏龜），mummy bear（熊媽媽），baby bear（熊寶寶），lion（獅子），bird（小鳥）。

　　布景：大森林背景，舞臺右角是一座小房子，一棵木瓜樹，中間有一棵大樹，舞臺左角有一塊大石頭，左角后臺階上有兩棵桃樹。

　�。ù竽辉谑闱椤�(yōu)美的音樂聲中徐徐開啟）

　　:In this beautiful forest, There live many lovely animals, they love each other and live a happy life!

　　在一個美麗的大森林里，住著許許多多的小動物，他們在一起相親相愛，生活得可幸福了！

　　第一景：小動物群舞

　　小兔舞（音樂：活潑、輕快、跳躍）

　　狐貍舞（扭動腰肢，跳節(jié)奏感極強(qiáng)的迪斯科）

　　烏龜舞（一伸一縮，音樂：緩慢、低沉、滑稽）

　　小猴舞（調(diào)皮、靈巧，可用西游記主題曲）

　�。ㄒ魳忿D(zhuǎn)為輕柔、舒緩，小兔一人旋轉(zhuǎn)跳舞，音樂漸弱轉(zhuǎn)為流水聲，舞臺燈光轉(zhuǎn)暗，布景為湖邊，木瓜樹下。）

　　第二景：:"咕咚"（清晰而響亮）

　　小兔：（吃驚的樣子，四處看看）What’s the matter?

　　什么東西？

　�。ǖ雇藥撞剑瓮染团�，正好撞上了狐貍。）

　　狐貍：（奇怪的神情）What’s the matter? Why are you running?

　　跑什么呀？出了什么事？

　　小兔：（氣喘噓虛的樣子）："Gu dong, Gu dong is coming."

　　咕咚，咕咚來了。

　　狐貍：（害怕的樣子）：Oh! Horrible, let’s run.

　　哇！太可怕了，讓我們跑吧！

　�。ㄟ@時候，熊媽媽提著籃子和熊寶寶從樹后走出來，正好看到慌慌張張奔跑的小兔和狐貍。）

　　熊媽媽：（很驚奇的樣子）：What’s the matter? Why are you running?

　　出了什么事？你們跑什么呀？

　　小兔、狐貍（合）：Gu dong is coming.

　　小熊：（害怕并躲在媽媽的懷里）mummy mummy, I’m frightened.

　　媽媽、媽媽，我害怕！

　　熊媽媽：（安慰寶寶）Oh! dear, Don’t be frightened, let’s run quickly.

　　乖寶寶，別害怕，讓我們跑吧！快，快

　�。ㄐ『�、小鳥、烏龜在另一角臺階的桃樹上看到，感到很奇怪）

　　小猴：（指著奔跑的小動物）Why? Why are they all running?

　　為什么，為什么他們都在跑？

　　烏龜：（很神秘的樣子）Perhaps, A monster!

　　也許，是妖怪來了！

　　小猴、小鳥：（非�？謶值臉幼樱㎡h, horrible, let’s run!

　　啊呀！太可怕了，快跑呀！

　　烏龜：（慌慌張張地跟在后面）wait! just wait.

　　等一等！

　　（大獅子正在一塊石頭下睡覺，眾人吵吵鬧鬧的聲音吵醒了它。獅子大吼一聲，伸伸懶腰。）

　　獅子：（很生氣的樣子） It’s very noise! Why ? why are you all running ?

　　太吵了，你們?yōu)槭裁炊荚谂苎剑?/p>

　　眾人合：（上氣不接下氣的樣子）Gu dong, Gu dong is coming.

　　獅子：（感到很奇怪）Gu dong , What is it ? Where is it?

　　"咕咚",什么東西？在哪里？

　�。ù蠹夷憧粗�，我看著你，都在搖頭。）

　　小猴：（問熊媽媽）Where?

　　在哪里？

　　熊媽媽：（搖搖頭，）I don’t know.（轉(zhuǎn)而問狐貍）Where

　　我不知道。在哪里？

　　狐貍：（搖搖頭，）I don’t know.（轉(zhuǎn)而問小兔）Where?

　　我不知道。在哪里？

　�。ū娙税涯抗舛技性谛⊥玫纳砩�。）

　　小兔：（撓撓腦袋，指著對面）It’s over there.

　　就在那邊！

　　獅子：（很神氣的'樣子）Let’s go and see.

　　走，去看看。

　　（大伙互相看看，都表現(xiàn)出非常害怕的樣子。）

　　獅子：（拍拍胸脯，很勇敢的樣子）come on, follow me.

　　走，跟我走！

　　（音樂響，一段雄壯有力的進(jìn)行曲，眾人排著整齊的隊(duì)伍，大踏步地往前走，快到樹下時，腳步慢下來。音樂停，全場一片寂靜。）

　　獅子：（四處張望）Where? There is nothing here.

　　在哪里？什么都沒有啊！

　　（正在這時候，一陣風(fēng)吹來，咕咚一聲，一棵木瓜掉進(jìn)了湖里。）

　　小猴：（指著湖邊）Oh! It’s a papaya! Gu dong is a papaya!

　　噢！原來是木瓜呀！

　�。ū娙舜笮Γ竽辉谛β曋行煨炻湎�。）

　　The end.

　　全劇終

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 9

　　甲:(作目瞪口呆狀),

　　乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

　　甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

　　乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面離去)

　　丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(畫個十字架,鎮(zhèn)定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

　　甲:(與之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

　　甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

　　丙:OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

　　near, far, wherever you are

　　i believe that the heart does go on

　　once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,繼續(xù)作深情狀)

　　and youre here in my heart,

　　and my heart will go on and on.

　　甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

　　Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

　　丁:(對著乙的背影,沉思狀)to be,or not to be,its a question!(走到甲面前牽起她的'手做親吻狀),Im glad to see you,my dear princess.

　　甲(做嬌羞狀):oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?

　　丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白癡的搖頭),eh..,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?(搖頭),and Melissa Theuriau?(搖頭),(丁,情緒激動),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

　　甲(指門,氣憤狀),you you you.....

　　丁:ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

　　甲:I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.

　　甲(起雞皮疙瘩狀):oh, I cant stand, show you the door,

　　丁(轉(zhuǎn)身離開,繼續(xù)臺詞):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回頭,對甲)10 thousand years.

　　甲:oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,

　　三人跑進(jìn)來,乙嫵媚狀:honey, you like my dance,right?

　　丙鎮(zhèn)靜狀:director,you like my singing,right?

　　丁深情狀:princess,you like my poet,right?

　　三人同聲:we are past,right?

　　甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you ....(接電話) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(掛電話,低頭),you three,(抬頭),pass!

　　三人歡呼,說:we make it,we are superstar!

　　乙(甜蜜狀):thats very sweet of you,we love you so much(飛個吻)

　　甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

　　三人齊答:yes,we do!

　　甲伸手,三人搭上,同聲,fight,fight,fight!

　　英語搞笑話劇劇本 10

　　開場介紹： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .dont forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,dont forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.

　　第一幕：人物，趙云夏侯惇曹操蔣干

　　旁白：就在剛才不久，一個黑大漢從曹操軍中救出劉備之子劉阿斗，現(xiàn)在正向這里殺過來，他就是張飛!!!(趙云出場)Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei.

　　趙云：no!本人姓趙名云，乃常山子龍也! no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~

　　(趙云從背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗)

　　趙云：看!這就是主公的最后一點(diǎn)骨血!劉阿斗!我從火場之中把他救出，而我自己的臉卻早已……唉……化作焦炭!(顧影自憐狀)look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~.

　　(夏侯敦挺著槍呈貓腰狀殺出)

　　夏侯敦：小賊，莫跑，要不然我就大開殺戒了(沖到) Children， stop there or i will kill you

　　(趙云左手抱阿斗，右手與之搏斗)

　　趙云：可惡!居然敢偷襲我you bitch dare to attack me ??

　　(二人裝腔作勢打斗數(shù)招)

　　趙云：看我九陰白骨爪!!stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!!

　　夏侯敦：唔!(倒地) oh my gad im over

　　趙云：此地不宜久留，還是快去尋主公!(下)yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~

　　(曹操、蔣干二人上)

　　曹操：沒想到我們初次出兵便殺得敵人望風(fēng)而逃!真可謂出師未捷身先死。長使英雄淚滿襟! I didnt expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.

　　It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful"

　　蔣干：丞相，您說這話，真不見得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;

　　(曹操險(xiǎn)些被地上的夏侯敦絆倒)

　　曹操：咦?這是誰扔的西瓜皮?(轉(zhuǎn)身，看見倒在地上的夏侯敦)Huh? Who threw the banana rind?

　　曹操：是夏侯愛卿。難道他又在搞什么行為藝術(shù)??Do not Xiahou Dun?

　　Is he engaged in what is called performance art?

　　(蔣干上前將夏侯敦一頓拍打，二人站起)

　　曹操：夏侯愛卿為何要在地上裝西瓜皮??Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?

　　夏侯敦：有一人臉如黑炭手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band

　　蔣干：是敵人的保姆!還帶個孩子!!!it Is enemys maid with a child in his arm.

　　曹操：那你呢?What did you do?

　　夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him imfightting fightting fightting我我…… 我沖上去與之打斗打打打

　　曹操：然后呢?What then?

　　蔣干：丞相，看來是夏侯將軍殺退了敵人! Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy

　　夏侯敦：唔唔!(手勢如下：指指門外，右手作“九”的樣子，隨即作全身發(fā)冷狀，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪擊狀)

　　曹操：然后呢? Then what happened?

　　夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,its so terrible

　　(曹操、蔣干二人將夏侯敦拉起)

　　曹操：如此看來，敵人應(yīng)該還沒有走遠(yuǎn)。咱們乘勝追擊!(慷慨狀)It seems that the enemy should not go far. Lets run after them.

　　蔣干：有時候我真的很佩服丞相您這樂觀的心理……(贊同狀) Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ......

　　夏侯敦：唔!唔唔唔~!(掄起兩拳，作欲與敵人搏斗狀)

　　(三人下)

　　第二幕:人物：劉備張飛諸葛亮趙云

　　(劉備、張飛、諸葛亮三人上)

　　旁白：這是的劉備一行人正在軍營外觀看敵情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.

　　、

　　(諸葛亮走在前面，張飛、劉備二人緊跟其后)

　　諸葛亮：(轉(zhuǎn)頭)主公啊，按理說是您走先啦!(恭敬狀)old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?

　　劉備：不啦，軍師您身后有好大塊蔭涼，躲在這里避避暑也不錯。No，its very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat

　　諸葛亮：(眺望狀)主公，如果我所料不錯，現(xiàn)在馬上就要下雨了!liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain!

　　劉備：先生神算!人所不及!不知先生如何知道將要下雨?great prediction!No one can compare with you!just wonder how do you know its going to rain?

　　諸葛亮：首先，天氣預(yù)報(bào)說今天有雨;其次，(以手指前方)看天，那邊有一塊黑云來了!First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!

　　(趙云上)

　　張飛：哇!那就是子龍啊，想不到這一會不見子龍就換了個新桌面啊!Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!

　　(張飛迎上)

　　張飛：子龍! long

　　趙云：翼德救我! help!!! brother three.

　　(張飛下)

　　趙云：主公!云殊死力戰(zhàn)，方保得小主人在此!只是這許久不見啼哭，怕是已經(jīng)……(悲憤狀，取出布包，打開并捧著) boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid...

　　趙云：kao!這小沒良心的，居然還能睡的'著!就跟他爹一樣!! oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father

　　劉備：咳咳!

　　(趙云轉(zhuǎn)身面向劉備)

　　諸葛亮：子龍，不是我說你，你嘴上就是少個把門兒的，總不能啥實(shí)話都往外說啊!?Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!

　　(劉備怒視諸葛亮，諸葛亮恍如不知，趙云上前，將阿斗遞給劉備，劉備捧著阿斗)

　　劉備：為了你這倒楣孩子，幾乎損我一員大將啊!我還留著你趕什么啊，我摔死你吧!!because of you，I almost lose a brave general!Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you!!(阿斗摔下)

　　(趙云上前，對準(zhǔn)阿斗狂踹數(shù)腳，諸葛亮上前拉住，趙云始終作勢欲踢，諸葛亮用身體壓住趙云后，走上前去一腳將阿斗踢飛)

　　旁白：從今以后，阿斗的智力便出現(xiàn)了明顯的發(fā)育遲緩……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.

　　趙云：咦?怎么不見關(guān)二哥呢? yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?

　　劉備：二弟昨天為軍師擺下一個八卦陣去，不過在沖出去撞馬的時候閃著腰了，現(xiàn)在還在休養(yǎng)呢!：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.

　　諸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壯!告訴他，多喝奶粉!(自戀狀)!Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!

　　趙云：就給這孩子喝成這樣兒了!!!(走上前，撫摸諸葛亮，做憐惜狀) so you drink to be a foolish?

　　曹操(在臺下)：啊~!!!(慘烈地)

　　劉備：難道三弟又重操舊業(yè)了?咱們快去看看!Did zhangfei return to ones former career ?Go to see what happen?

　　(三人下)

　　第三幕：人物張飛曹操夏侯蔣干劉備諸葛亮

　　旁白：時間撥回到三分鐘之前，張飛大戰(zhàn)長坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocaos army on changbanpo

　　(張飛上，在臺上轉(zhuǎn)一圈后，如京劇拿柱般亮相，定格)

　　曹操和蔣干：嘿嘿嘿嘿!(奸笑中)

　　夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……(奸笑中)

　　(三人奸笑上臺)寫劇本 www.jiaokedu.com

　　張飛：哇!火腿腸你回來拉!! Wa!You, The hot dog, come back !

　　夏侯敦：我靠，又一個黑人，黑人都是很牛的，我怕了。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，im afaid

　　曹操：閣下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的聲音!Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!

　　張飛：我便是那燕(yān)人張翼德!(咬牙)I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth)

　　曹操：閹人??原來只是一個太監(jiān)……夏侯敦，上去解決他!

　　You are the so called coward,arent you?xiahou,beat it!

　　(夏侯敦低頭貓腰沖出)

　　夏侯敦：唔!唔~唔!

　　(二人打在一起)(定格)

　　蔣干：丞相，這一仗咱們必輸，一會還有橋斷水倒流呢!快叫夏侯將軍下來吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Lets call Xiahou general to get down quickly

　　曹操：你怎么知道?How dou you know it?

　　蔣干：《真三國無雙叁》，長坂的任務(wù)啊!! "Really,it is the games duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!!

　　曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò)游戲了。這樣既浪費(fèi)時間又上海身體，你還是聽為丞相的一句話吧!珍愛生命，遠(yuǎn)離三俗啊!

　　I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and Its harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.

　　(張飛與夏侯敦二人繼續(xù)，張飛一槍擊中夏侯敦)

　　夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打敗了 (蔣干上前將夏侯敦拖回)

　　曹操：唉，如今這世道變了，太監(jiān)都這么厲害啦!?

　　Why does that coward become so brave?

　　張飛：曹賊聽著!今日汝等必不能生過此橋! cao ,stops talking! Today you all cant pass this bridge with a live one!

　　曹操：汝休得猖狂!今日要不是我手下典韋身死，許諸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，張遼痔瘡，才不會輸給你!shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!

　　張飛：你手下終究無人可用!啊，面對此景次請，我真想賦詩一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......(音樂起)only you ~~~~~only……you……

　　(夏侯敦躍起)

　　夏侯敦：唔唔唔……(以手捂耳，跑下)

　　曹操：啊!(慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳)

　　蔣干：啊!(慘厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳)

　　曹操：這難道就是傳說中的門得爾松的c大調(diào)《鬼叫》協(xié)奏曲!何以如此震撼!(驚惶狀)Why is this so shocking!

　　蔣干：(一手指張飛)快看!丞相!橋斷了!水也開始倒流啦!!(轉(zhuǎn)過身去，以手捂耳) Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards(音效：山崩地裂之聲)

　　曹操：aaaaaaaaaa(痛苦吐血狀)(定格)

　　(諸葛亮、劉備、趙云三人上)

　　諸葛亮：別唱啦!再唱下去就把曹操給唱死啦!Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!

　　劉備：三弟快打住!!(以手捂耳)Stop,stop!!(以手捂耳)

　　張飛：only you ~~~~~only……you……(余音不絕)

　　劉備：子龍，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。